Emotional Intelligence and Good Communication Skills
Communication is far more than talking or sending memos. Communication builds connection. We share information in ways the listener can hear and understand.
I’m Off to Visit Dad Again
I am sitting on an Air Canada flight heading to London to spend a few days with my 98-year-old father in the care facility that he now calls home.
My father has been a role model in how to treat people for my entire life, treating others like they are human beings.
Over the last few weeks, I have written extensively on the importance of developing your Emotional Intelligence (EQ) and your ability to communicate with other humans, particularly those around you at work.
It takes a concentrated effort and I would like to help you do it.
Influence not Authority
One of my favorite quotes is from Ken Blanchard, who said, “The key to successful leadership today is influence, not authority.”
If we take ourselves seriously as someone who can influence others, we must be intentional in our efforts to grow in that dimension.
Because change requires more than hope or good intentions, I have a few actionable steps for you to consider.
Pick and Choose and Work at Your Pace
Let me begin by saying that I certainly don’t expect you to try each of these suggestions with the fervent energy of a full-scale orchestra suddenly letting loose on the 4th Movement of Beethoven’s 9th Symphony (Ode to Joy)!
I recommend that you consider starting with the first two and move on from there as you will: Practicing self-reflection and starting a journal.
Improve Your Communication With Practice
- Practice self-reflection. Regularly take time to assess your emotions, triggers, and reactions.
- Keep a Journal. Please do this! I have kept a journal since 1998, and by writing down my feelings and thoughts, I have gained (and continue to gain) insight into my emotional patterns. Whenever my pen touches the paper, I title it “Thoughts on a Page.”
- Develop Stress Management Techniques. Learn techniques like deep breathing, meditation, or exercise to manage stress and emotional reactions.
- Pause and Think. When faced with strong emotions, take a moment to pause and consider your response before reacting impulsively. That is the very essence behind one of my resource recommendations this week: a book called Four Seconds by Peter Bregman.
- Practice active listening. Pay attention to others when they speak and try to understand their perspective.
- Engage in different interactions. Interact with people from different backgrounds and perspectives to broaden your understanding of human emotions and experiences.
- Ask Open-Ended Questions. Encourage others to share their thoughts and feelings by asking questions that invite discussion.
- Improve Communication. Work on your verbal and nonverbal communication skills to convey empathy and understanding.
- Resolve Conflicts. Learn conflict resolution techniques, such as active listening and compromise. The Thomas Kilmann Conflict Mode assessment tool is a brilliant way to determine your conflict management style.
- Build Relationships. Actively nurture and maintain positive relationships by showing people appreciation and support.
That is likely a lot to consider, so I will pause and add the second list next week.
The Influence of my Dad
When I pause and reflect on who taught me the importance of good communication skills and developing my EQ, it was my father.
He is a gentle soul, not prone to outbursts of emotion, regardless of the circumstances. As a result, I learned to be even-keeled, which served me well in my policing career.
I hope you found something useful to consider this week. I am sitting next to Dad, reading one of his favorite books, Swallows and Amazons, by Arthur Ransome, which inspired him to take up sailing at an early age.
Next, we might watch tennis at Wimbledon.
Either would be just fine with me.
What to Read
Four Seconds by Peter Bregman
