The Art of an Apology – Begin With “I”
Offering a sincere apology to a colleague in the workplace is a crucial skill for maintaining healthy professional relationships.
None of us is perfect – I should know – I am the poster child for not perfect! We are fallible human beings who sometimes say or do the wrong thing. We don’t do it deliberately, but we do mess up, and when we do, we need to fix it.
How we handle our mistakes defines our character.
Restore Relationships With Thoughtful Apologies
I worked in the field of Professional Standards in my policing career for six years. When I attended Royal Roads University and did my MA, I wrote my major project on using Restorative Justice (RJ) Practices to informally resolve citizen complaints against police officers.
The philosophy of RJ follows these same steps in rebuilding damaged relationships.
Whether you’ve unintentionally upset a coworker through a thoughtless comment, missed deadline, or any other blunder, these ideas will help steer you through offering a heartfelt apology.
Reflect on Your Actions
Before you rush to apologize, take some time for self-reflection. Understand the gravity of your mistake and how it affected your colleague. This self-awareness is essential for crafting a genuine apology. Consider what led to the incident, its impact on the other person, and what you can do differently in the future.
Choose the Right Time and Place
Timing is crucial when offering an apology. Approach your colleague at a time when you both have privacy and can engage in a calm and respectful conversation. Avoid apologizing in front of a group or during a heated moment, as this can escalate tensions.
Use “I” Statements
When you’re ready to apologize, use “I” statements to take responsibility for your actions. For example, say, “I’m sorry for what I said,” instead of deflecting blame or making excuses. Taking ownership of your behavior shows maturity and sincerity.
Be Specific
Acknowledge the specific actions or words that offended someone else. Avoid vague apologies like, “I’m sorry if you were hurt.” Instead, say, “I’m sorry for my insensitive comment about your project. It was thoughtless and inappropriate.”
Show Empathy
Demonstrate genuine empathy by expressing an understanding of how your actions affected your colleague. You might say, “I can imagine how my mistake made you feel frustrated and disrespected, and I’m truly sorry.”
Avoid Defensiveness
Resist the urge to defend yourself or shift blame during the apology. Defensiveness can undermine the sincerity of your apology. Instead, listen to your colleague’s perspective and validate their feelings.
Offer to Make Amends
Ask how you can make amends or rectify the situation. This shows your commitment to making things right. For example, you could say, “Is there anything I can do to help you catch up on the project?” or “I’d like to make it up to you. How can I do that?”
Apologize in Writing
Consider following up your verbal apology with a written one, especially if the situation is particularly sensitive. A brief email or handwritten note can reiterate your remorse and commitment to improving the relationship.
Give Time and Space
After you’ve apologized, respect your colleague’s need for time and space to process the situation. Don’t pressure them for an immediate response or expect forgiveness right away. Healing takes time.
Make a Commitment to Change
Finally, demonstrate your sincerity by taking concrete steps to avoid repeating the same mistake. Whether improving your communication skills, meeting deadlines consistently, or being more considerate, show that you are actively working on personal growth and self-improvement.
Conclusion
Sincere apologies in the workplace are not just about apologizing; they are about acknowledging your mistakes, showing empathy, and making amends.
When you try to apologize sincerely to a colleague you’ve upset, you not only repair the immediate damage but also strengthen your professional relationships and foster a more positive work environment.
Remember that nobody is perfect, but by handling mistakes with grace and sincerity, you can turn them into opportunities for growth and connection.
Resources:
Here is a great Harvard Business Review article we use in our leadership workshops – about what you should do when you have lost your temper at work.
Something to Read
- Compassionate Leadership: How to Do Hard Things in a Human Way by Rasmus Hougaard, Jacqueline Carter & Marissa Afton Moses Mohan
- Quiet Leadership: Six Steps to Transforming Performance at Work by David Rock.
