Relationships are the Currency for Success In Life
We can talk about work-life or personal life – the maxim is the same: relationships are key to how you experience your life. Your relationship with yourself and those with whom you are connected. Money can take you a long way, but to reach inside of the best of life, you’ll need relationship currency.
I wrote this article on Valentine’s day, and I’ll admit to a particular bias as I considered the tremendous value of the people in my life. Unfortunately, the motivation for this topic results from the reports I have been reading as of late. You have probably seen some news about them yourself.
How We Treat People Reveals the Truth About Who We Are
The Governor General’s Office, the Canadian Museum of Human Rights (the irony here is simply overwhelming), the Winnipeg Fire and Rescue Service. Most recently, the Royal BC Museum in Victoria has been in the limelight lately. And for a good reason.
It’s like watching the first 2 minutes of the daily news in order to capture the essence of what is going on around the world. A veritable firehose of negativity about workplace relationships.
The investigations all reveal, among other factors, a lack of trust at various levels of the organizations.
Somehow as I write today, the message seems so clear. While we are clamoring or advocating for Human Rights, we are trampling the humans around us.
How Important is Trust In a Relationship?
Patrick Lencioni talks about how building trust is paramount to building and maintaining strong teams in the workplace. In his best-selling book, The Five Dysfunctions of a Team (click the link to get a PDF summary), Lencioni defines trust as the very foundation on which teams either stand and thrive or wobble and collapse.
When there is no trust, nothing works.
Think back in work-life to the boss, co-worker, or anyone onsite that you didn’t trust. What did you experience internally when getting ready for work each day or when you were asked to go above and beyond? How did you feel?
When you distrust someone at work, you will have a breakdown in how you communicate with that person, hear what was said in a meeting differently, or struggle to agree on how to solve a problem. Nothing seems to fit.
The Fundamental Attribution Error
A root cause of mistrust can be linked to the Fundamental Attribution Error.
Human beings tend to falsely attribute others’ negative behaviors to their character – while they attribute their own negative actions to their environment.
Interpreted: What you do wrong is your fault due to who you are – What I do wrong is not my fault due to my circumstances.
We prefer to believe that we do bad things because of our situation but conclude that we do bad things because they are predisposed to being bad.
As you can see, this can quickly drive a wedge between two people. And you know what happens to a ball rolling downhill once it starts to move!
How Do We Move Past Mistrust?
To repair damaged relationships and foster healthy ones, you will need a dose of courage! It will take time. Are you willing to be the change before anyone else makes a move? Will you stay with it, even if they don’t appear receptive?
Make a decision to be the change that you want to see.
As leaders, we can create ways for people to get to know one another. Use informal settings (as much as we can now) to create the chance for people to share safe things about themselves.
We use something called The Personal Histories Exercise in our leadership workshops.
The Personal Histories Exercise – Step By Step Guide
Quickly write or draw on a piece of paper the answer the next four questions. (Note: in this exercise, you will share your answers with others)
- The place that you consider to be ‘home’
- The job where you earned your first dollar
- The name of your favorite book
- The place of your best (ever!) vacation
Trust relies on a sense of connection and this exercise never fails to do that. People who have worked alongside each other for years are suddenly finding out they have surprising connections with one another.
Uncovering connections is only the first step.
The Next 7 Steps
There are eight more actually.
Choose a person in your life that you do trust – and someone you didn’t or don’t trust.
Reflect on the concepts below and note which ones stand out to you either because you see them as a positive in your relationship with the person, or sorely lacking between you and either of them.
- Clarity: people tend to trust clear communications and distrust the ambiguous
- Compassion: People put faith in those who demonstrate care beyond themselves
- Character: People notice those who do what is right over what is easy
- Competency: People have confidence in those who stay relevant and capable
- Commitment: People believe in those who stand through adversity
- Contribution: People tend to immediately respond to those who help
- Consistency: People love to see things being done consistently
- Integrity: People tend to trust people who are consistent in thoughts, words, and actions
Money Won’t Secure Trust – But Your Actions Will
Trust, as you know, is something that you cannot buy. It is earned. You can’t fake trust. Human beings are too smart for that.
So, be intentional towards others in the workplace through your words and, most importantly, your actions.
Seeds don’t grow into healthy plants because the gardener threw them outside and then took off to the pub!
Seeds are nurtured, cared for, and given an environment where they can grow into the very best versions of themselves.
Nothing is taken for granted.
